When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
