There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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