so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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