i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
