Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
