He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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