Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
