I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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