Already got asked if we're dating
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
