Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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