You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
