Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
