Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
