i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
