My nipple is on Facebook.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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