I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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