i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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