i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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