My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
