i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
