I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
