He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
