I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
