i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
