I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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