i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
