Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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