The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
