both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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