He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
