awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
