He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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