there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
