I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
