I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
