Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize