she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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