i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
