Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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