Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
