If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
