Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
