I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
