i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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