So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
