Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
