yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
