The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
