I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
