Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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