at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
