gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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