he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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