Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want nice things and good sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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