after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
