We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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