There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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