Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
