OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
