I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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