hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
