Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
