No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize