if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
