All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
