I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
