If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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