I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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