her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
