Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
